


April

by bunnysworld



Series: Calendar Series [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 05:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnysworld/pseuds/bunnysworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Gwaine's birthday, but not everybody is in the mood to party</p>
            </blockquote>





	April

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Tam, for the beta!

Merlin pulled his coat tighter around him. Damn, it was cold out here. It was fucking April, wasn’t it supposed to be spring already? But no, just this morning, some stray snowflakes had to fall. 

They were celebrating Gwaine’s birthday, but Merlin just couldn’t stand watching Arthur having a good time any more. He hated being the best friend. He’d wanted more for ages. But how could he tell him? At first, he’d thought Arthur wasn’t into blokes with all the long-haired chicks he flirted and left at the end of the night with. And it had been rather easy to ignore the feelings for him back then. 

But then Arthur had started taking interest in men too, and everything had come up again. The longing, the nights of staring at the ceiling, the fear of touching a bit too long, the want, the fear of being rejected. So why ruin a perfectly fine friendship just because Merlin wanted something that Arthur didn’t? 

It just got harder and harder being in the same room as Arthur, being ignored in favour of blokes Merlin could never compete with. Yes, he was tall, but he never outgrew the gangly phase. While all the other boys around him started to grow muscles in all the right places, he stayed skinny, no matter how much he ate or how hard he worked out. He had muscles, of course, but his body never got over that stage where it looked too big for him. And Arthur very obviously liked his men tall, muscled and good-looking. All the things Merlin wasn’t.

So instead of partying with the others, he found himself out in the too-cold-for-the-season garden of Gwaine’s house, sitting on a bench under a tree, his feet under him, staring up at the night sky through the branches, sipping from the glass of whiskey he brought out.

Merlin heard the patio door open, or rather, he heard the noise from the party inside and then the door closed again and he heard steps crunching on the frozen ground. 

“Is this seat taken?”

Merlin smiled despite himself. Count on Leon to be polite in any situation. “Not if you thought about bringing some more of this.” He lifted his almost empty glass.

Lifting a half-full bottle, Leon sat down and refilled Merlin’s glass. “What are you doing out here, Merlin? It’s bloody cold.”

“Trying to clear my head.” Merlin took a sip of his drink and looked up into the night sky again.

Leon chuckled. “You’ll be frozen to this bench before that happens.”

Merlin said nothing.

“How long, Merlin, how long?”

“Four years, seven months and a few days.”

Sighing, Leon leaned back. “And how much more of your life do you want to waste on him?”

“As long as it takes.” 

Leon reached over and put his arm around Merlin’s shoulder and pulled him against him. “Too bad. You’re such a wonderful guy, it’s such a waste.”

Merlin enjoyed the warmth Leon radiated and sighed. He leaned his head on the other man’s shoulder. “I might never get him out of my system.”

“Might be easier if you just told him. I mean, I know it will hurt but then at least you can start to heal?”

Merlin snuggled against Leon. “Can’t. Don’t need him to laugh at me, too.” 

“He wouldn’t do that. He’s a daft prat most of the time, but he’s not cruel.” Leon took a sip out of the bottle. 

“But then I’ll lose a friend.”

“Sometimes you have to let go of things that aren’t good for you, don’t you think?”

Merlin didn’t answer and they sat in silence, just taking sips of their drinks once in a while. 

“Come on, let’s go somewhere else. You’ll just get sick if you sit out here all night.” Leon pulled Merlin up. 

“You’re right. I’m going home.” Merlin just couldn’t go back in there again, where everyone was dancing and laughing and having a good time. And he didn’t want to inflict his bad mood on anyone. It was bad enough that Leon had to come and find him while he was wallowing in self pity.

Leon shoved his hand in Merlin’s. “Okay. Let’s go.”


End file.
